That's Living In Denial
by Margaretlucylu
Summary: Humor throughout this one shot. Babe Tag Challenge On Fanfiction. A deluded Helen chapter. Tagged someone at end in the A/N. Evil cackle of laughter.


_**That's Living In Denial**_

by Margaretlucylu

 _ **x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x**_

 **"Carpe diem boys. Make your lives extraordinary."**

The men scattered like cockroaches all with a knowing grin on their face and a wicked gleam in their eyes whilst across town a shrill shriek was heard from none other than Helen Plum.

Slamming the phone down with enough force that the handset shattered into pieces, breathing heavily, Helen just glared at what she had done. Her chest was heaving as if she had run a mile.

Snatching the car keys off the hook, she heard the snide, sarcastic yet almost gleeful message on the machine since she couldn't answer that wretched phone. She just growled loudly in frustration and anger, throwing her head up to the ceiling, fists clenched by her side.

"Why me?"

"Helen, this is Suzie Markowitz. I just saw Ranger and Stephanie head out of town in his big black truck and it certainly looks like they are a couple. But weren't you and Angie Morelli just looking over wedding invitations for her and _Joseph?_ Anyway, looks like you and Angie's plans are up in smoke once again. Too bad Stephanie never even knew what you were up to."

 **Click.**

 **"Bitch."**

Helen grabbed her bottle of Jack and took a hefty swig.

"Oh what the hell." She guzzled some more for courage and then decided, after crossing herself for the H word, to take the bottle with her.

Again, growling like a huge ravenous bear craving a feast, Helen stormed out to the car on her way to buy a new phone before anyone else could catch up to her. Her driving reflected her mood and she blasted that horn at every moron who got in her way.

Taking a detour via the liquor store for a few bottles of Jack and his discounted friends Jim Beam and Wild Turkey for good measure, she just knew it was going to be a long day. In the car she took a hearty swig of Jack and was on her way. Jack stayed in her bag and the others kept each other company on the floor. Jack was her favorite "tea" after all. She needed him now.

Running into the nearest electronic store that was still open in the Burg, she decided that walking briskly was better and less obvious on her slightly wobbly legs.

Ugh.

She rolled her eyes.

She couldn't help but notice folks were looking at her with smiles big enough to light up the sky. It was like they were waiting for her.

"Those bitter bitches of the Burg. Holier than thou," she muttered to herself. "Don't they have anything better to do? Elsa Markovic. Bet she doesn't know that her Hannah is pregnant, again, and not a wedding ring to be seen. And, who is the father _**this**_ time? Huh?"

Snickers were heard, making Helen regret shopping in her almighty enclave of Burgites. A few brave folks even got out their cell phones as Helen kept her head up while perusing the selection of phones. She was not going to give them the pleasure of seeing her pain.

The TV's around the store showed different traffic stops at the intersections. The one framing Helen Plum's face was the intersection where the camera focused in on the big black truck.

 _ **Ranger's truck.**_

Following the pointing fingers, she herself saw her youngest daughter locked in a passionate kiss that was almost making the windshield fog up.

At that very moment, Helen's cell phone rang as she stood with her mouth agape. Flipping the phone open she groaned when she heard the voice of her best friend, Angie Morelli.

 **Never mind everyone taking her pictures, using that black truck for the backdrop.**

Helen could tell Angie was in tears as she was barely coherent.

"Helen, my poor Joey was arrested, all thanks to your daughter and _**that man.**_ Bella is furious and told me in her language that," I nostri piani sono stati vani. Smettere di vivere nella negazione."

(Our plans were in vain.) (Quit living in denial.)

"It's too much Helen. I'm sure Joseph will be madder than his father was when he hit me all those years ago. I'm throwing in the towel. My son will now take up the mantle, even knowing Stephanie is with that Ranger thug. I've seen it with my own eyes Helen, all over our local traffic reporting stations."

Helen stood there, still as a statue, not minding the crowd in the store looking, pointing and whispering about her. Not this time.

"Angie, everything is settled. We'll be out all this money that I'd saved out of our grocery money for this wedding. It has to happen! _**There is no way I'm going to accept the fact my daughter can embarrass me like this!"**_

"I know Helen, but what can we do? Can you please just come over and give me a ride to get my Joseph out? We'll come up with something."

"Fine, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. I just need to buy a new phone, is all. Mine somehow shattered when I heard the news."

The anger was coming off Helen in waves which had everybody automatically clearing a path right to the cash register. As a matter of fact, except for the annoying easy listening music in the store it was eerily silent.

As she hastily grabbed her purse to pay for the phone, the almost full bottle of Jack decided to make an untimely appearance and tumble out of her bag to shatter on the floor, right in front of everyone. In the silence it was so loud. Helen froze and everyone momentarily held their breath. She glared her death glare at the server amid the audible gasps and stifled snickers and chuckles. Her fists clenched. She wanted to scream and curse them all. Breathing deeply through her nose, she ignored the bottle as she snatched the package from the cashier, trying to sidestep the amber fluid and broken glass while she stuffed it into her bag. Alas, she slipped, much to the delight of the flurry of clicking and frenzied whispers of her captive audience. Helen composed herself, in a manner of speaking and staggered as quickly as she could for the door.

Waiting until she was almost at the door the cashier called to her," Do try to have a nice day!"

With the door closing, her humiliation complete, the entire store erupted in shrieks of laughter.

"Why me? Stephanie Plum, you have some explaining to do. How could you do this to me?"

She screeched out of her parking space to pick up Angie. After some more moron honking of her horn she made it to the Morelli house. Angie was waiting impatiently outside and rushed to the car.

Taking a hefty swig of Wild Turkey, she offered it to Angie. "Here. You might need this."

Like Thelma and Louise, they drove off to the station to bail Joseph out. She ran a red light and cursed when the flashing lights appeared behind her and pulled over obediently. A tall officer approached her car.

"Ma'am. Do you realize you ran a red light? May I see your driver's license, please."

Handing the officer her license, it was immediately obvious to him that she had been drinking when he talked to her up close and the bottles clearly visible to him. Big Dog looked at the license and then back at his colleague's aunt. This was not his day.

Big Dog called for assistance. He told Gazarra to leave it to him or this was going to get ugly having seen the news raging through Trenton like a wildfire.

"Ma'am. Step out of the car. Have you been drinking?" Helen rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the car and the bottles on the floor clinked notoriously together with the shifting weight of the vehicle.

"Why me?"

Helen and Angie were taken to the TPD not before a few excited onlookers managed to snap a few more photos for the hungry Burg. They were feasting on Helen's demise like a frenzied pack of hungry sharks. Now with Angie Morelli in the frame, it was even better.

Helen Plum and Angie Morelli.

Two Hits.

But Helen… **She's the queen bee.**

x0x0x0x0x0x0x00x0x0x0x

 _ **A/N. looked over and corrected by a dear friend of mine Ms. Kim...smooches...**_

 _ **Title is from Midnight Run Movie. (think Robert DeNiro as a bounty hunter.)**_

" **She's the queen bee.** _ **"**_

 _ **Queen Bee is from Mean Girls.**_

Last line is to _**tag AvBabe...take that sucker and lay out the Italian Stallion.**_

 _ **You're it BABE.**_

 _ *** Thank you Google Translate for the Italian words.**_


End file.
